劉果福 講於2011年2月28日星期一晚 萬佛城大殿 A talk given by Gwo Fu Lau on Feb 28, 2011 at Buddha Hall of CTTB
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比丘尼近智 講於2011年6月10日星期五晚 萬佛城大殿 A talk given by Bhikshuni Jin Jr on June 10, 2011 at Buddha Hall of CTTB
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陳果頌 講於2011年3月14日星期一晚 萬佛城大殿 A talk given by Wayne Chen on March 14 (Monday), 2011 at Buddha Hall of CTTB
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VM, DMs, and all the wise Advisors:This is Chin Fa. This evening is my term to practice Dharma talk and I would like to share some of my experiences during the 10k Buddha Repentance session.
Allow me first to thank all the Dharma Masters who led the recitation for such a long period of time which benefited all the participants tremendously. As I’ve never participated in the 10k Buddha Repentance session in any serious manner before, this year I made sure to allocate time to participate fully as part of my New Year resolution. However, just five weeks before the session, I had my second surgery in 6 months. It was the first major surgery of my life which required me to stay in the hospital for 5 days. According to both my Chinese medicine and Western medicine doctors, my two surgeries within 6 months caused a lot of damage to my body. For example, I was not able to perspire, my skin became extremely dry all over, suddenly I had 6 cavities in my teeth, most likely due to chemicals they put into my body that caused dry mouth, and of course my dramatically declined energy level. But worst of all is that I tried to meditate two weeks after my surgery, and there was neither the feeling of chi movement nor any warmth from the Dan Tien.
As I walked into the Long Life Hall on the first day of the bowing session, I was not sure that I could do much bowing, as the surgery resulted in a 5 inch cut right in my abdomen. I felt extremely tired after just a couple of hours and had to go back to sleep although I was able to do the whole session in the afternoon.
The first 2 to 3 days were very hard for me physically and I was not able to do anything else after bowing. Not only I was physically exhausted, I also found that usually if a Buddha’s name was a bit longer, I simply did not remember it when I began to bow down. While I attributed this to my loss of short term memory, it bothered me a lot nevertheless.
My friend Andrew was next to me for those first few days and sympathized with my struggle. He kindly taught me how he bows effortlessly in making the transition from one center of gravity to another during the bowing movement. While that helped some, the relative fast transition sometimes caused me to feel dizzy. So, during the last 3 days of the first week, I modified what Andrew taught me and bowed slowly so that my bowing became a continuous movement rather than discreet steps. I was able to feel much more at ease and less physically tired. On the last day, I also decided to add continuous recitation, i.e. to also recite while bowing down, along with my Tai Chi style bowing, and that made the whole day zip by without me feeling tired.
Unfortunately, I needed to help a film maker, during the second week, interview people about the school. But I was able to fully participate during the last 8 days of bowing.
From the very beginning of this second round, I bowed and recited Buddha’s names continuously based on the experience of the first week. As each day went by, I was less tired and began to regain my vitality. When I went to DM Heng Yang’s talk, I was not sure I could sit on the floor even in half lotus for 90 minutes anymore, especially after a whole day of bowing. Not only was I able to sit, but I also felt the chi movement back for the first time since my surgery.
在這整個拜懺的過程裏,我得到很大的好處。我希望把它分成兩點來說明我得到的好處。
Over all, I benefited tremendously from the bowing session. I summarize them into two specific categories of benefits:
1. It helped to recover my functions, for example:
It helps me to be mindful and I was able to remember the Buddha’s name in my recitation while bowing down, even if the name was long. In fact, usually my eyes were closed. When I need to recite a new Buddha’s name, I simply open my eyes and glanced at the Sutra, then I closed my eyes and would remember it when I began to bow;
One day during last week of bowing, I happily discovered that I perspired. Now, my skin is no longer very dry anymore;
My vitality is back, and
My chi flow is mostly back;
Although my doctors told me it will be a 6-months recovery process for my 2nd surgery, I felt that I’ve pretty much recovered after the repentance session, only 2 months after surgery.
2. It enabled me to understand what it means to be supple both with mind and body. As I bowed and recited continuously, my body became supple and my mind simply lost track of almost all other things that’s going on around me. As time went on, my mind was so relaxed like a piece of cloud floating freely in the air. Every bow seemed effortless and every Buddha’s name brought out joy or meaning. Many times tears just flowed out. In fact, every time when we recite the verse “I wish to be born in the western pure land” in the rebirth hall, I could not stop my tears.
心柔軟的這個經驗,使我想到懺悔偈裏面幾句話,「心起罪亦起,心滅罪何存。懺後心自在,閒雲點太清。」
This experience of supple mind, as a consequence of deep repentance, reminds me of these verses:
When the mind moves, karma arises. But where is the karma if the mind does not exist? The mind is at ease after repentance, Like a piece of lazy cloud floating in the blue sky.
Of course, the reason why the mind could be at ease after repentance is due to the fact we connect with the great vows of Buddhas in the process. For me, as I bowed, I felt the cleansing effect on my whole being as my mind became suppler. For example, I often thought of things that I did wrong in the past such as saying something to my Mom when I was young that hurt her feelings. These memories would cause me a great deal of unease as they arise. But as my mind became supple during the repentance session, I no longer attached to these deeds of the past. After the repentance session, I now can go back to these unpleasant moments and smile at my Mom and we will smile together, even though she is no longer alive. This is very interesting as the process can bring us from a historical perspective, where we face obstructions of space, time, and other factors, into an ultimate perspective, or eternity, where there is no obstruction.
As the supple mind can change the past, it can also influence the future as the future is made of NOW. With a supple mind, we may touch the eternity. In other words, the process of bowing allows us to flow into the ocean of vows of Buddhas, which helps to make our mind supple and may enable some our original capabilities. This provides us a glimpse of eternity, although every one of us may have a different glimpse of it due to different functions we recover during the process. This reminds me of a riddle that came to me two years ago. Here it is:
永恆之謎
很久以前,我曾與永恆相遇。
自從那一次的邂逅,
一個看不見、摸不著的影子,
時時陪伴在我身旁。
往後在每一個生命中,
我全力衝刺,
要摘夢裡的花!
久遠前那偶遇的記憶,已逐漸模糊。
當別的記憶也變得迷濛時,
影子的腳步越來越響亮。
有一日,我的記憶烟消雲散,
億萬年來心田的負載,突然卸下。
我的心輕鬆得像一片閒雲,
點綴著湛藍的太清。
突然間,影子大聲快速的步伐,
打破了這難有的閒情逸緻。
驀然回首時,
我們已成為一體。
從甜夢中驚醒,
永恆正笑容滿面的凝視著我。
驚訝的張大嘴想說“他就是我”時,
我已融入了永恆。
Once upon a time, eons ago,
I came face to face with Eternity.
Ever since that chance meeting,
A shadow seemed to follow me around,
although no one was in sight whenever I turned.
Then I plunged into life in full force,
taking everything in as real—
even flowers in a dream!
Life rolled by with increasing speed, and
The memory of my chance meeting blurred.
As my other memories also began to fade,
The footsteps of my shadow became distinctly louder.
One day, I saw all my memories went up in smoke, and
My mind, emptied of the load it carried for eons,
Relaxed like a piece of cloud, floating freely in the blue sky.
I suddenly heard the quickened steps of my shadow loudly approaching,
Before I had a chance to turn around, he merged into me!
Shocked and fully awakened, I opened my eyes,
The Eternity stands right in front of me, smiling broadly.
Given the benefits I received from the repentance session, I’ve incorporated the process I learned into my practice at home each day. CTTB is indeed a unique place because it provides many Dharma events like the repentance session so that people have a chance to touch the Eternity in one way or another.
I mentioned that during the second week of the session, I needed to take off to accompany a film maker interviewing students, alumni, teachers, and old disciples about what makes the school special. These interviews bear witness to the uniqueness of CTTB from another angle. To summarize it in one word of their collective thought, the word would be “embodiment”. The volunteer teachers and parents who gave up their career to come to CTTB to volunteer all embodied the spirit of compassion in making this world a better place for all. I feel so happy for all of our students and especially the young children who moved here with their parents. Not only are they so blessed to be in such a pure environment now, but also because they begin developing a supple mind at such a young age. As the sages say: “when the mind is supple, the land is pure”, the students will be able to create “pure lands” around them and define “success” on their own terms wherever they will be in the future. Amitabha!
Buddha, Bodhisattva, Venerable Mater, Dharma Mater, all good knowing advisers, teacher and students. My name is Sharon Wang. I am in 11 th grade from Developing Virtues Girl’s School. Amitabha!
If we say there are eighty years for one’s life span, how many satisfying incidents can happen during these eight years? In our daily life, people always complain how their lives are plain, boring and dissatisfying; even though they have a high pay job and an adoring family, people still feel empty. My attitude toward life was as pessimistic as those people before I came to CTTB.
I always felt as if my life was never in my favor. I have a father who is handicapped, a mother who is annoyed by her own family, a brother who procrastinates (which is not a really something to be proud) and a sister who always insults me whenever she sees me. Besides my family, I was a yes- man girl. My grades were average in class. I did not have any attractive appearance or character. I admired those girls who are attractive and were surrounded by groups of people. Then I reflect myself: it was so depressing that I am not special at all. I never had enough confidence because I usually saw bad points in my characters. Day after day, I left no smile on my face. After I came to CTTB, my attitude toward life changed gradually.
The first time I stepped into the gate of CTTB was in the summer of 2007. At that moment, my head popped out a word unconsciously- primitive. CTTB seemed so simple and boring compared to the ostentatiously prosperous Taipei. Of course, I immediately made an assumption of the people here- a group of Buddhist hicks. However, the days I spent in CTTB changed my life to a brighter perspective; it aroused my dream, and built up my specialty.
The school in CTTB does not look like a school on the appearance: a two- floor building with some ivy crows on the wall; the wooden windows that made weird music when we try really hard to open it. This building is more like a discarded building rather than a school. In this school, there are approximately a hundred students only. For sure everyone knows each other really well. Among all the teachers, most of them are cultivators. During the school time, students cannot go on the internet, go out without permission, and the have a relationship with opposite gender. When the school just started, I was wondering how would I survive in this kind of environment for one year?
In the beginning, I lacked confidence in myself. However, after I had the interaction with the girls in the school, I started feeling that I have a really fortunate life. In the school, some the girls have a single family, but they never complain about it because they think that it is happiness. There was a girl, she is not as pretty as a movie star, but her confidence makes her appearance just like one of the people in Hollywood. After the few months in the school, I discovered my values as Sharon Wang; I am not a Yes- Man- Girl. I like to help people; I don’t like to reject others because I feel guilty for not helping. I live in a more confident and happier way than before. I don’t feel embarrassed about my family anymore. Even though my dad is a handicapped, he works really hard to give me a better education in America; my mother is a really good mother because we are always the first priority in her heart; even though my brother procrastinates all the time, but he is a considerate person who does his duty as a brother very well; I know I do not get along with my sister, but she taught a really important lesson in my life, which is “ Do unto others as others unto you.” I feel my life is no longer dissatisfying, instead, I have the brightest life compared to others.
Gradually, I discovered the beauty of CTTB. During these three years, I learned the values and the calmness which I have never known before. Through meditation and Buddhist classes, I learned that I should solve a problem in a more rational point of view, and how to self control and understand our desires through our most original conscious. Also, I learned how to respect others and all living things, because this is the respect toward one’s self. When I learned that we have desires because we have false thinking, I know I should not expect to much on myself and other in any difficulties. In the CTTB, my dream of being a volunteer doctor in third world country was supported. This is the first time I realize that I did not dream about an impossible mission. It is the most meaningful decision I have made in my life. In school, the cultivating teachers built up my confidence and hope by letting me know I am special. I can be the brightest star in the crowd. My life will be full of meanings because everyone is special, therefore, so am I.
Dharma Master Sheng Yan once has said, “ if the mountain does not turn, the road will turn;if the road does not turn, the person will turn;if the person does not turn,the mind will turn” . As lone as we have the right attitude toward our life; there is no such thing as dissatisfaction. Everything is satisfaction.
Buddha Bodhisatva, Venerable Master, Dharma Masters, all good knowing advisors, teachers, and students. Amitaba/Amitopho. My name is Laurel Shern. I am in 11th grade in Developing Virtues Girl School.
Before I start, I have to admit, I don’t know much about cancer. I think it’s because I don’t want to know the details of what could happen. I don’t know what goes on at the hospital or the hardship of going through cancer. I think I know less than 5 percent of the things that went on. However, what I do know is the feeling of having someone close to you getting diagnosed with cancer, and not knowing about what could happen at any moment. This is my experience with dealing with cancer and how it changed my outlook on life.
My sister, Laurice, was diagnosed with Ewing Sarcoma last September. Last summer, my sister and I went to take a chest x-ray and they found something unusual in my sister’s scan. After further investigation, and about a month of not knowing what was in her, they found out what the problem was. That was when my family and I realized, the thing that they had found, was serious. Before, we were anxious because we didn’t know what it was. However, we hoped that it would just be a slight problem that wasn’t a life or death matter. The fact that my sister was diagnosed with cancer was shocking.
When I first received the news that my sister was diagnosed, I was numb. I guess all of my family was just shocked. Here, my sister, a healthy eighteen year old girl, was “sick”. We didn’t know what to do or how to deal with the fact. I remember crying throughout the whole school day, and still crying when my tears had dried up.
It was decided that my sister would have treatment at the Stanford hospital. My sister and my mom would live at my aunt’s house. At that time, my sister had just started attending her dream college, Williams. Laurice didn’t want to be moved, but reluctantly went. It was decided that my sister would have nine month of treatment, including chemotherapy, radiation, and surgery.
Treatment was harsh. I only saw a little bit of what went on, but even from what I saw, I knew. My sister was constantly in danger. She could pass out at any moment or her blood count could be too low. She could catch a fever and with the smallest cut could endanger her whole life. During treatment, her hair fell out, she lost her appetite, her nails turned black, she turned pale, and she kept throwing up.
I guess, throughout the whole nine month, I got use to the new lifestyle and the fact. However, there would be one or two times where I would actually realize that my sister had cancer and start crying. It was tough for me because I was away from my sister and mom. I wanted to know what was going on, but I never really did get an accurate description. I didn’t like being left in the dark. However, there’s not much to say about how horrible the treatment was, and I guess, my mom wanted to protect me from the truth. Many times, I would wonder, why. Why did it happen to my sister? Why? Why? Why? I resented the fact that my sister had cancer. Many times, I thought it was unfair. Unfair how it was Laurice that got it, unfair that my family was just apart the whole entire time, unfair at how the treatment was going. Everything was unfair. I was depressed many times, even though I knew I couldn’t really do anything about it. Even now, I can’t really describe how it felt and what I was going through. As of now, it seems as though it was ages ago, and when I try to recall some emotion, I find that my mind blocks them out.
My experience throughout the whole treatment was all right. I wasn’t there to see my sister at her worst, so I was somewhat shielded. I just stayed at home and tried to get good grades to ease my family’s worries. They had enough to worry about without having me add to their pile. However, the two times I was able to see my sister and mom before the whole was process finished, I was delighted. I realized how important it was to actually be together as a family because before, I would just take the family bond for granted. At home, I use to argue with my mother a lot. However, after this experience, I realized that my mom was just trying to help me grow up. To see her tend to my sister for the whole time made me realize how much she loved my sister and me, and would dedicate herself into helping us.
Many times throughout the treatment, it seemed as though I was ‘alone’ because my mom wasn’t there to help me. However, from this, I discovered the value of friendship and learned how to be independent. At first, my friends were just my friends. I never realized how much I depended on friendship before. During the treatment, my friends would always encourage me and tell me to be more optimistic. They were there when I needed a shoulder to cry on or when I just needed to talk. Also, I learned how to be independent. I needed to take care of myself and get all my schoolwork done on time. There was no one else to nag me and tell me I had to do this and that.
After nine long months, Laurice finished her treatment last June. Her hair has started to grow back again and her health is better. My sister just returned back to school this September, and she still thinks that going to college is a too good to be true. As of now, my sister still remains enthusiastic and helps out whenever she cans. Laurice realizes how short life can be, and is doing everything she enjoys, while taking rests in between. [She is in the school newspaper, as well as one of the food commitees at Williams. She continues to learn and play the viola. Lately, she has wrote to me and told me how happy she is to be back at school. She wants to do as many things as she can.] As of now, I’m really proud of my sister, of how much she’s been through and how she is still optimistic and always hoping for a good future.
The nine months changed my life entirely. The most important lesson I got out of the whole time, was the value of life. Before, I had thought that life was ok, but there was nothing to it. As a student, I just thought that life was just filled with homework, quizzes and tests. However, after realizing that death could be around the corner, I have appreciated the fact that I am alive today. Right now, I want to have a ‘life’. I want to be someone. I’ve stopped caring about all the little things in life, such as status or my daily looks. I realized that when I die, I want to be able to look back at my life and be proud of it. Life really, is too short. Thank you.