胡凱欣（親凱）2024年8月27日晚間講於萬佛聖城大殿

Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, Venerable Master, Dharma Masters, all Dharma Friends. Amitofo. My name is Grace Woo, Dharma name Qin Kai. I’m honored to be here, from Southern California, to share my reflection on my stay at CTTB last month.
諸佛菩薩、宣公上人、法師們、所有的法友們，阿彌陀佛。我的名字是胡凱欣，法名是親凱。  我很榮幸今天能在這裡，從南加州來與大家分享我上個月在萬佛聖城的心得。

This past July, I spent three weeks at the City of Ten Thousand Buddhas, participating in the Bodhisattva Precepts, Forty-two Hands Transmission, and the Guan Yin Session. I’ve been to CTTB a number of times, but this was the longest I’ve stayed. I thought I knew what to expect, but I soon discovered that this time would be different.
在剛過去的七月，我在萬佛聖城度過了三週，參加了菩薩戒、四十二手眼傳授以及觀音法會。  我以前來過萬佛聖城很多次，但這是我停留最久的一次。我以為我已經知道會發生什麼，但很快我發現這次將會有所不同。

Let me give you a bit of background about myself. I grew up in Hong Kong when it was still a British colony. From kindergarten onwards, the education I received was mostly in English. All the textbooks we used are in English with the exception of Chinese Language and Chinese History. This upbringing made me look down on certain aspects of Chinese culture and traditions. When I was younger, I actually believed that Western culture and the way of life were better, superior.
讓我稍微介紹一下我的背景。我在香港長大，那時還是英國殖民地。從幼兒園開始，我所接受的教育大多是英語的，除了中文和中國歷史課本，其他課本都是英文的。這種成長背景讓我對某些中國文化和傳統感到輕視。當我年輕時，我甚至認為西方文化和生活方式更好、更優越。

I came to CTTB the first time in 2018, and I immediately felt like I had found my true home. I remember I was at a Guan Yin Session, and I was crying every time we sang the Guan Yin Praise. A thought kept coming to my mind, “I have wasted so much time running around. What has taken me so long to come back here!” However, I also found CTTB to be very Chinese in some ways. That brought back a lot of my old, not-so-pleasant feelings about Chinese culture. Despite these feelings, I kept coming. I felt drawn by something deeper that I couldn’t quite explain.
我第一次來萬佛聖城是在2018年，那時我立即感覺找到了真正的家。我記得那是在一次觀音法會上，每當唱到觀音讚時，我總是哭泣。一個念頭不斷浮現在我腦海裡：「我浪費了這麼多時間四處奔波。為什麼我花了這麼長的時間才回到這裡？」然而，我也發現萬佛聖城在某些方面非常  中國化，這讓我想起了很多過去對中國文化不太愉快的感受。儘管有這些感受，我仍然繼續來。我感覺有某種更深的東西吸引著我，但我無法完全解釋。

This time, when I arrived at CTTB, I was assigned to a room with four other women. They were all from Mainland China. I found them to be very sincere practitioners, and I’m so glad to share this journey with them. But soon, I started to feel a bit uncomfortable. My roommates seemed to have an unspoken agreement to leave the room for every session together, often 30 minutes ahead of the start time. I, on the other hand, really wanted to use every minute to rest as I could barely sleep given the intense heat of the week of over 110°F. The room was literally like an oven!
這次來到萬佛聖城，我被分配與四位來自中國大陸的女生同住。我發現她們都是非常真誠的修行者，我很高興能與她們共同走過這段旅程。但很快，我開始感到有點不適。我的室友們似乎默契一致，每次法會總是提前30分鐘一起離開房間。而我呢，非常希望利用每一分鐘來休息，因為 那週的酷熱超過了110華氏度，我幾乎無法入睡。房間真的像個烤箱！

I found myself silently going against this routine. When they were getting ready to leave and put on their HaiQin, I would move really slowly, find excuses to delay, or simply go to the restroom. I also noticed that I had this attitude that being at CTTB meant I had the right to be silent. But my roommates really loved to talk. Besides sharing their daily experiences, they would also say things like “Oh, I’m going to take a shower” or “Oh, I’m going for dinner” every time they left the room. I would come and go in silence.
我發現自己在默默地違背這個習慣。她們準備出門，穿上海青時，我會故意動作很慢，找藉口  拖延，或者乾脆去洗手間。我也意識到我有一種態度，覺得在萬佛聖城就應該有權保持沉默。  而我的室友們卻非常喜歡交談。除了分享她們的日常經歷外，每次她們離開房間時，總會說些像「哦，我要去洗澡了」或「哦，我要去吃飯了」這樣的話。而我則是來去無聲。

Even more intriguing to me was that in their eyes, everything at CTTB was super special. They saw miracles everywhere and every day—they showed me the pictures they took of clouds, the text messages from Dharma Masters, and even the simple act of doing the Universal bowing in the Buddha Hall. Meanwhile, I saw the same things I had always seen—it’s the sky, there are buildings, and there are people walking around.
更令我驚訝的是，在她們眼中，萬佛聖城的一切都非常特別。她們每天都看到奇蹟，會給我看  她們拍的雲朵照片，法師發來的訊息，甚至是在佛殿裡做普佛這樣簡單的行動。而我呢，只是  看到了一如既往的東西——天是天，樓是樓，人是人。

After a week of this, I felt like I was running out of options. I went to the Buddha Hall and grabbed a “No Talking” badge, feeling desperate for my own space. At first, it felt strange—almost like I was imposing this on my roommates. I saw that they were trying hard to accommodate me. But I also realized that this space was exactly what I needed to step back and observe what was really going on, rather than falling into my old habits and stories about what I didn’t like about Chinese culture.
這樣過了一週，我感覺自己快沒有選擇了。我去了佛殿拿了一個「禁語」的牌子，迫切地想擁有自己的空間。一開始，這感覺很奇怪，就像我在強加這一點給我的室友。我看得出她們在努力  遷就我。但我也意識到這個空間正是我需要的，讓我能退一步觀察到底發生了什麼，而不是陷入我對中國文化不喜歡的舊有習慣和故事中。

Just to give you an example of how I fall into my old habits and stories about what I don’t like about Chinese culture. For example, in the beginning, the Dharma Masters were quite strict. They reminded me of being a child back in school. They said, “Be quiet! This is not a wet market!” “Look at how you guys are walking. How can you be a bodhisattva if you walk like that?” I was aware that I didn’t like this way of talking because of how I was brought up, not because of the Dharma Masters themselves, but I was still left with this doubt in my heart. “Does it really need to be communicated in this way?”
舉個例子，來說明我如何陷入對中國文化不喜歡的舊習慣和故事中。例如，一開始，法師們非常嚴格。她們讓我想起了當年在學校時的情況。她們說：「安靜！這裡不是菜市場！」、「看看你們走路的樣子，這樣走怎麼能成為菩薩？」我知道我不喜歡這種說話方式是因為我的成長背景，而不是因為法師本身，但這個疑問仍然留在我心裡：「真的需要這樣表達嗎？」

As I observed more, I noticed that for my roommates, this was their first or second time at CTTB. Everything was new to them. They were far away from home, trying to navigate the routines of the temple, like finding wi-fi to report back to their families that they were okay. And this was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for them. They went through a lot to get to CTTB. From getting through the application process, to securing the visa, not to mention traveling from China to CTTB took over 24 hours. For me, it’s so easy. It’s just a one-hour flight away.
隨著我觀察得更多，我注意到，對我的室友來說，這是她們第一次或第二次來萬佛聖城。對她們來說，一切都是新的。她們遠離家鄉，努力適應寺廟的生活，比如找到無線高速上網Wi-Fi向家人報平安。  對她們來說，這是一次千載難逢的機會。她們經歷了很多才來到萬佛聖城，從申請過程到獲得美國簽證，更不用說從中國到萬佛聖城的旅程花了超過24小時。而對我來說，這是如此容易， 僅僅一個小時的飛行就能到達。

I realized that their talking, their need to leave the room together, was their way of grounding themselves in this unfamiliar environment.
我意識到，她們的交談，她們需要一起離開房間，這是她們在這個陌生環境中找到自我安定的  方法。

I started to feel a bit bad that it wasn’t so much that I wanted to be quiet, but more that I had this sense that being silent somehow meant I was a better practitioner. I asked myself, if I’m here so often, why can’t I be a better host and make them feel comfortable and at home instead of forcing them to make me comfortable in a place I’m already familiar with?
我開始感覺有點不好，這不完全是因為我想要安靜，而更多是因為我有一種錯覺，覺得保持沉默就意味著我是更好的修行者。我問自己，如果我來這裡這麼多次，為什麼我不能成為一個更好的“主人”，讓她們感到舒適和像在家裡一樣，而不是強迫她們讓我在這個我已經熟悉的地方感到舒適？

I also started to see why the Dharma Masters seem to be so strict with us. After the Bodhisattva precepts ceremony, the men were told to take a 15-minute break and reconvene in front of the Dining Hall for a group photo. However, we women were told to start lining up and walk over to the Dining Hall. The thought that crossed my mind was: that’s unfair!!
我也開始理解為什麼法師們對我們似乎那麼嚴厲。在菩薩戒儀式之後，男眾被告知休息15分鐘，然後在飯堂前集合拍照。然而，我們女眾則被要求立刻排隊，然後步行到飯堂。我心裡的第一個念頭是：這太不公平了！！

Fifteen minutes later, I was standing outside the Dining Hall, and oh, the women were barely ready for group photos. We were still moving around trying to find the right spot. On the other hand, the men were all ready. I suddenly realized the wisdom of the Dharma Master. They are not trying to be strict because that’s how Chinese culture works. Their instruction is rooted in wisdom. We women love to talk, and we often forget to keep track of time where we are: in the bathroom, in the corridor.
十五分鐘後，我站在飯堂外，結果女眾根本還沒準備好拍照。我們還在四處走動，嘗試找到合適的位置。另一方面，男眾卻早已準備就緒。我突然理解了法師的智慧。她們並不是因為中國文化的嚴格性才這樣做。她們的指導是源自於智慧。我們女眾喜歡聊天，無論是在洗手間或是在走廊上，經常忘記時間的流逝。

As the days went by, I began to see my roommates not just as fellow participants but as my teachers. Their devotion and joy in being at CTTB, despite the challenges, inspired me. They often went to bow to the statue of Master Hua when they had any questions. So the day before I was about to take the Bodhisattva Precepts, my mind was full of doubt. Can I really keep these precepts? But seeing my roommates’ vigor and determination kept me going. I followed their lead, bowing to Venerable Master Hua: “Shifu, should I take the precepts? I don’t know if I can keep them. Maybe I should go home. What should I do?” And I received the message I needed from Shifu: “Don’t be stupid!!”
隨著日子的流逝，我開始不僅僅把我的室友看作是同修，更視她們為我的老師。儘管面臨種種挑戰，她們對萬佛聖城的誠心和喜悅啟發了我。她們經常在有疑問時，去向宣公上人的像前頂禮。在我即將受菩薩戒的前一天，我的心裡充滿了疑慮。我真的能守住這些戒律嗎？但看到我的室友們的精進和決心，這讓我繼續堅持下去。我跟隨她們的做法，向宣公上人頂禮：「師父，我應該受戒嗎？我不知道我是否能夠守住這些戒律。也許我應該回家。我應該怎麼做？」然後  我從師父那裡得到了我需要的訊息：「不要傻了！！」

This experience taught me that CTTB is not just a temple—it’s a pure land. But not in the way I had imagined. I used to think of a pure land as a kind of Christian heaven, where everything is comfortable and easy. But I realized that a pure land is a place where everything—every person, every object, every encounter—is teaching the Dharma. And that can be uncomfortable because it challenges my attachment to my ego and all the habits that I have.
這次經歷教會了我，萬佛聖城不僅僅是一座寺廟——它是一片淨土。但並不是我曾經想像的那種我過去以為淨土像是一個類似基督教的天堂，一切都舒適且輕鬆。但我意識到，淨土是一個每一個人、每一件物、每一個遭遇都在傳説法的地方。而這有時會令人不適，因為它挑戰了我的我執以及我所有習氣。

During the last week of my stay at the Guan Yin Session, I experienced many magical moments which I won’t have time to cover today. But what’s most important is that without my roommates’ guidance, I wouldn’t have been able to open my heart and mind to these experiences. For that, I am deeply grateful. Thank you. Amitofo!
在我停留的最後一週觀音法會期間，我經歷了許多神奇的時刻，但今天我沒有時間一一講述。  但最重要的是，如果沒有我的室友的引導，我不會能夠敞開心扉，迎接這些經歷。對此，我深感感激。謝謝大家。阿彌陀佛!