金曉丹居士講於2023年8月15日星期二晚 萬佛城大殿

諸佛菩薩、上人、各位法師、各位居士：

阿彌陀佛！今天是曉丹在這裡和大家結法緣，如果有講錯的地方，請大家慈悲指正。

All Buddhas, Bodhisattvas, Venerable Master, all Dharma Masters, and all lay people: Amituofo! Today, Xiaodan is here to tie the dharma affinity with everyone. If there are any mistakes in my speech, please compassionately correct me.

今天我想講的內容是眾生罪障深重、業力無邊，而佛法更是慈悲廣大、無量無邊。那我今天想和大家分享一下我同修在2018年至2019年期間治病的過程以及自己在其中所見所聞的一些感悟。

Today, I would like to talk about how sentient beings carry heavy karmic hindrances and boundless karmic forces, while the Buddhadharma is infinitely compassionate and boundless. Thus, I would like to share with you the process of my husband’s journey in recovering from his sickness from 2018 to 2019 and some insights I gained from what I saw and experienced during that time.

首先我想借此機會感謝聖城的男眾法師、女眾法師、以及居士們在那時百忙中抽空到醫院看望和關心我們，為我們打氣、念佛和回向，為我們寫牌位，還有居士為我們聯繫好金山寺的助念團，隨時準備為我同修助念，讓我們發自內心的非常非常地感激！這種感激是無法用語言來表達的。

Firstly, I would like to take this opportunity to express my gratitude to the male and female Dharma Masters and lay people at CTTB. Despite their busy schedules, they took the time to visit and express their care for us in the hospital. They offered us encouragement, recited the Buddha’s name, and dedicated merit to us. They also set up plaques for us, and a lay person connected us with an end-of-life chanting group from Gold Mountain Monastery, which was ready at any time to help us with recitation. We are deeply, deeply grateful from the bottom of our hearts! This gratitude is beyond words.

我同修於2013年被診斷出第三期直腸癌，經過放射治療後，腫瘤縮到很小。然而，他因擔心手術後遺症而沒有馬上手術。到了2017年4月，腫瘤復發且越長越大，最終導致腸道堵塞，影響了他的日常生活。

In 2013, my husband was diagnosed with stage III rectal cancer. After undergoing radiation therapy, the tumor shrank significantly. However, he hesitated to have surgery immediately due to concerns about post-operative complications. In April 2017, the tumor recurred and continued to grow, eventually causing intestinal obstruction and greatly affecting his daily life.

直到2018年8月11日我離開聖城，帶我同修去舊金山醫院看醫生，主治醫生檢查後定在幾天後先進行造瘺手術，來解決他的腸道堵塞問題，然後再進行腫瘤切除手術。

On August 11, 2018, I left CTTB and took my husband to the UCSF Medical Center to see the doctor. After the examination, the attending physician scheduled a colostomy surgery a few days later to address his intestinal obstruction, followed by the tumor removal surgery.

當我們正想離開時，助手醫生看到我同修身體很虛弱，說：你看起來這麼虛弱，來回坐車幾個小時怎麼受得了？你就直接住進醫院吧。我們一聽很高興就馬上住院了，第二天安排了另外一個醫生做了造瘺手術，過兩天送回當地Willits的Howard醫院觀察和恢復，一個星期後我們想大概可以回家了。

As we were about to leave, the assistant doctor noticed that my husband was very weak and said, “You look so weak. How can you endure a few hours of back and forth travel? You should just stay in the hospital.” We were delighted to hear this and immediately checked into the hospital. The next day, another doctor performed the colostomy surgery, and after a couple of days my husband was sent back to Howard Hospital in Willits for observation and recovery. After a week, we thought we could probably go home.

沒想到一天下午，醫生很緊張地看著我們，說他們在檢查時發現一個不好的情況，有感染的可能性，我們當時也不懂事情有多麼嚴重，他馬上聯絡舊金山醫院的醫生要求立刻把病人送回來手術。於是當天晚上他們用救護車把我同修送回舊金山醫院。沒想到，這一去差點沒能回來。

Unexpectedly, one afternoon, the doctor anxiously told us that during an examination, they found a worrisome situation with the possibility of an infection. At that time, we didn’t fully grasp the seriousness of the matter. He immediately contacted the doctors at UCSF Medical Center and requested the patient to be sent back for surgery right away. So, that evening, they used an ambulance to send my husband back to UCSF. We never thought that we almost would not be able to make it back.

被送回舊金山醫院後，由於腸道感染和一些意想不到的狀況發生，接著的一個月內我同修連續進行了四次手術，一次比一次嚴重。記得在最後一次完成手術後，已經是晚上9點左右，我走進手術室看到醫生也是很疲憊，我說：醫生，對不起，我先生給了您很多麻煩。他說：希望這次手術能成功。

After being sent back to UCSF, due to intestinal infection and some unexpected circumstances,

my husband underwent four consecutive surgeries within a month, each one more critical than the previous. I remember after the last surgery was completed, it was already around 9 o’clock in the evening. I entered the operating room and saw that the doctor was also exhausted. I said, “Doctor, I’m sorry that my husband has caused you so much trouble.” He replied, “I hope this surgery will be successful.”

然而送回重症病房後，我同修情況並不樂觀，身體出現多種併發症，兩個肺部嚴重積水，腎臟不工作，血壓一直下降，無論重症病房主任採取什麼措施都無法提升，最後他無可奈何的看著我說：他採取了所有可能的措施都無法挽救，現在已是無計可施了。我問：那我先生的主治醫生呢？他說：主治醫生現在在外州開會，不在醫院，但我可以聯繫他。

However, after being sent back to the Intensive Care Unit (ICU), my husband’s condition was not stable. He developed multiple complications – both lungs accumulated significant levels of fluid, his kidneys stopped functioning, and his blood pressure continued to drop. Despite the efforts made by the ICU director, none of the measures taken could improve the situation. Finally, he helplessly looked at me and said, “We have tried all possible measures, but we can’t save him now. We are out of options.” I inquired about my husband’s attending physician, and he replied, “The attending physician is currently out of state for a conference, but I can contact him.”

幾個小時之後重症病房主任告訴我：他聯繫上主治醫生，搶救方案是從我同修肚子內抽出感染液，由一個實習醫生來做。在舊金山醫院我同修無論在急症病房還是重症病房都是單獨一個人房間，內設有一個小沙發床，每天晚上我都睡在小沙發床陪伴。重症病房主任接著說：你不用住在醫院陪伴了，因為這一宿我不會讓他醒過來，他要一直插著呼吸機，你可以回去休息，有情況我會及時與你電話聯繫，否則你明天早上再過來。

A few hours later, the ICU director informed me that he had reached the attending physician, and their last-ditch effort was to drain the infected fluid from my husband’s abdomen. This procedure was to be carried out by a resident doctor. At UCSF Medical Center, regardless of whether he was in the Acute care unit or the ICU, my husband was always placed in a private room with a small sofa bed inside. I slept every night on the small sofa bed to accompany him. The ICU director then said, “You don’t need to stay in the hospital tonight. I won’t wake him up, and he will remain on the ventilator. You can go home and rest. If there are any changes, I will contact you immediately. Otherwise, you can come back tomorrow morning.”

在醫院的這一個多月裡，我除了照顧病人和跑上跑下聯絡外，我會抽時間誦一部《地藏經》，並告誡自己：要盡量吃好、睡好，不要想那麼多，想多了也沒用，別把自己搞垮了，也無法幫助別人，所以煩惱的時候就念地藏王菩薩聖號，我希望把念經和聖號的功德回向給醫院所有現在受苦的眾生，早日解脫痛苦。

During the month at the hospital, besides taking care of my husband and handling various matters, I would find time to recite the Earth Store (Ksitigarbha) Sutra. I reminded myself: try to eat well, sleep well, and not dwell on unnecessary worries. Overthinking wouldn’t help anyone–better not to exhaust myself such that I wouldn’t be able to assist others. Whenever I felt troubled, I would recite Earth Store Bodhisattva’s name, hoping to dedicate the merits of my sutra and Bodhisattva recitations to all the suffering beings in the hospital so that they would soon be liberated from their pain and suffering.

那時已經是晚上九點多了，我給還在斯坦福讀書的兒子Michael打電話，讓他過來接我，等待Michael時我在醫院誦了一部《地藏經》。在去斯坦福的路上重症病房主任突然打電話過來，我以為出事了，他說需要我簽字他們才可搶救，我說服他同意第二天過去簽字。

It was already past nine in the evening, so I called Michael, who was still studying at Stanford, and asked him to come and pick me up. While waiting for Michael, I recited the Earth Store Sutra in the hospital. On our way to Stanford, the ICU director suddenly called, and I thought something had gone wrong. He said they needed my signature for emergency rescue. I persuaded him to let me come the next day to sign the papers.

到了斯坦福，Michael是自己一個人住一個房間，所以我睡在床上，Michael睡在地上，我知道今天晚上如果接到醫生的電話，大概是最壞的情況發生。我心裡念著地藏王菩薩聖號就睡著了，睡到後半夜我突然聽到一個聲音說“I’m back”，就是我回來了，而且說的是英語，我一下子醒過來，想誰在說話，我看Michael睡在地上，就問他：Michael，你在和我說話嗎？Michael回答說：沒有啊！我回過神來想：看來我同修今晚應該沒事了。

When we arrived at Stanford, Michael had a room to himself, so I slept on the bed while Michael slept on the floor. I knew that if I received a call from the doctor that night, it would be for the worst. I kept reciting the Earth Store Bodhisattva’s name in my heart and eventually fell asleep. In the middle of the night, I suddenly heard a voice saying “I’m back” in English. I woke up immediately and wondered who was speaking. I looked at Michael sleeping on the floor and asked him, “Michael, are you talking to me?” Michael replied, “No, I’m not!” I realized that it must have been some kind of sign that my husband would be okay that night.

一覺睡到天亮後，到醫院一看，我同修還上著呼吸機，肚子上插著十幾個管子，醫生和護士時刻監視他的狀況，這樣在重症病房住了兩個多星期，才轉到急症監護病房。

In the morning, when I arrived back at the hospital, I saw my husband still hooked up to the ventilator with a dozen tubes inserted into his abdomen. The doctors and nurses were constantly monitoring his condition. After staying in the ICU for more than two weeks, my husband was transferred to the acute care unit.

醫生每天檢查，同時打十幾種抗生素，調動了醫院各方面專家，仍然無法解決腸道感染的問題，只是暫時控制。醫生說：一個腸道感染就可以要一個人的命，何況他下面還有一個不斷長大的腫瘤，言外之意是他的病不太可能治好。

The doctors checked my husband daily and administered multiple antibiotics, mobilizing experts from various departments in the hospital. However, they still couldn’t resolve the intestinal infection issue; they only managed to temporarily keep it in check. The doctors mentioned that a severe intestinal infection alone could be life-threatening, let alone the fact that there was a growing tumor in his body, implying that his condition might be incurable.

在這麼大醫院裡治療了兩個月的時間，可想而知，醫療費用是個天文數字，所以醫療保險公司每天早上打電話催為什麼這個病人一直住在醫院，不能轉到地方醫院？

After two months of treatment in a major hospital, the medical expenses were astronomical. As a result, the medical insurance company called every morning to inquire why the patient was still staying there and couldn’t be transferred to a local hospital.

醫生們束手無策，沒有解決辦法，最後實在沒有方法了開始聯繫地方醫院，Ukiah 和Willits的醫院拒絕接收，其它幾十英里以外的醫院也沒有敢收的。我們住在醫院等候，這時我早晚各誦一部《地藏經》回向。

The doctors were at a loss and had no solution. Finally, they started contacting local hospitals in Ukiah and Willits, but they refused to accept my husband. Even hospitals located dozens of miles away were hesitant to take him in. We waited in the hospital with no other options. During that time, I recited the Earth Store Sutra every morning and evening and dedicated the merit.

終於有一天Ukiah醫院有一位新來的年輕醫生同意接收，我猜想他是不了解情況，所以舊金山醫院馬上用救護車把我同修送了回來。這位醫生看到我同修身上插著好幾個管子，吊瓶裡打著好幾種抗生素，我不知道他是年輕氣盛還是沒有經驗，馬上決定拔掉主要的管子，撤掉所有抗生素。

Finally, one day a young doctor who had just come to Ukiah Hospital agreed to take my husband’s case. I suspected that he did not fully understand the situation, but in any case, they immediately sent my husband to Ukiah via ambulance. This doctor saw my husband with several tubes attached to his body and various antibiotics in the IV bags. I couldn’t tell if he was overly confident due to his youth or lack of experience, but he promptly decided to remove the main tubes and discontinue all antibiotics.

結果第二天檢查發現我同修腸道感染指數又飆升上去，重症病房的主任和醫生們愁眉不展，最後沒有辦法跟我說：很抱歉！我們只能把你先生再送回舊金山醫院，我們治不了。我回答說：你們不用送回去，我都已經知道怎麼治了，在我同修肚子上打孔用管子抽感染液，同時打上抗生素，即使你們送他回去，他們也只能做這些。

The outcome was not favorable. The next day, the checkup revealed that my husband’s intestinal infection index had skyrocketed again. The ICU director and doctors at Ukiah were at a loss, wearing troubled expressions. Finally, the ICU director had to tell me, “We’re sorry, but we can only send your husband back to UCSF. We can’t treat him here.” In response, I said, “You don’t need to send him back. I already know how to handle it. We can make small incisions in my husband’s abdomen to drain the infected fluid and continue administering antibiotics. Even if you send him back, that’s all they can do.”

還好這個重症病房主任採納了我的建議，我同修又重新在肚子上插上一些管子和靜脈抗生素輸液，又在Ukiah醫院裡熬歲月，每個醫生看了都嘆氣，沒有辦法，只能聽天由命。慢慢地我同修有些體力時也開始誦《地藏經》。

Fortunately, the ICU director accepted my suggestion, and my husband had several tubes inserted in his abdomen again and received intravenous antibiotics at Ukiah hospital. We endured each passing day, and every doctor who saw him would sigh, as there seemed to be no solution but to resign to fate. Gradually, as my husband regained some strength, he started reciting the Earth Store Sutra.

一個多月後感恩節那天，一位年輕的美國醫生值班，來了就對我們說：你們要不要回家？我們當然說OK。因為我同修這幾個月無法吃東西，都是靠靜脈輸液來提供所需的液體和必需的營養素，還需要打針、護理傷口等等，平時醫院護士做的事情就培訓我來做。所以在醫院住了三個半月，經歷了漫長的治療過程終於可以回家了。

Over a month later, on Thanksgiving Day, a young American doctor on duty approached us and asked, “Would you like to go home?” Of course, we eagerly agreed. My husband had been unable to eat for months, relying solely on intravenous fluids and essential nutrients. I had learned to do many of the things the hospital nurses did, such as giving injections and caring for his wounds. After spending three and a half months in the hospital and enduring a long and arduous treatment process, we could finally return home.

經過5次的大手術，我同修身體極度虛弱，瘦得皮包骨，胃腸功能受損，無法正常工作，需要依賴靜脈輸液來維持生命。家庭護士每天來檢查，問醫生們沒有一個敢說什麼時候可以撤掉靜脈輸液。因為他的情況很危險，存在很多不確定性。

After undergoing five major surgeries, my husband’s body had become extremely weak, and he was all skin and bones. His gastrointestinal system was damaged and unable to function properly, so he relied on intravenous fluids to remain alive. A home care nurse came daily to check on him, but none of the doctors dared to say when the intravenous fluids could be discontinued due to the severity and unpredictability of his condition.

又過了一個多月，到2019年初，王恆冰醫生跟我商量：我們現在只能死馬當活馬醫，不能再等了，腫瘤越長越大，馬上撤掉靜脈輸液，讓你同修恢復自己吃飯，然後要準備開始化療，因為不化療，腫瘤太大，舊金山醫院不接受給他腫瘤切除手術。我當然馬上同意。

After another month passed, it was early 2019 when Dr. Hengbin Wang discussed with me the grim situation: we could only try anything and everything as a final attempt. We could no longer wait, as the tumor was continuing to grow rapidly. We should discontinue the intravenous fluids to allow your husband to regain the ability to eat on his own. Then, we would begin chemotherapy, as the tumor had grown too large for UCSF to consider performing tumor resection surgery. I agreed without hesitation.

真沒想到我同修居然挺過了8次化療，因為他一邊化療一邊誦地藏菩薩聖號，而且身體在慢慢恢復。之後五月到舊金山醫院做腫瘤切除手術很成功，後來主刀醫生告訴我們，他們對切下腫瘤活檢時居然沒有發現癌細胞，真是令人難以置信！

Surprisingly, my husband managed to endure eight rounds of chemotherapy. Throughout the treatments, he continued to recite Earth Store Bodhisattva’s name, and his body gradually showed signs of improvement. In May, he underwent a successful tumor resection surgery at UCSF. Later, the operating surgeon informed us that they hadn’t found any cancer cells during the tumor biopsy, which was truly unbelievable!

後來王恆冰醫生跟我們說：他當時真是承受醫院各方面很大的壓力，因為其他醫生都放棄對我同修的治療，認為他不可能活下來，只有他堅持要治療，所以王醫生是我同修兩次的救命恩人！在2019年8月份做了最後一次的腸道連結手術，所以我同修在一年之中一共做了七次手術。

Dr. Wang later revealed to us the immense pressure he faced from various departments within the hospital. Other doctors had given up on treating my husband, believing that he would not survive. But Dr. Wang persisted and insisted on continuing the treatments, eventually becoming my husband’s savior twice! In August 2019, my husband underwent a final surgery to reconnect his intestines. Thus, he had gone through a total of seven surgeries within one year.

從這個經歷中我悟到無論遇到什麼境界一定要保持對佛法的信心，佛法會讓我們保持一顆平靜的心，因為著急上火根本無濟於事，反爾讓事情更糟糕，即使是面對生死，因為一切事情都是因因果果自有它的因緣在，我們只能隨緣，相信因果。

From this experience, I have come to realize the importance of maintaining faith in Buddhism, regardless of the challenges we face. The teachings of Buddhism help us cultivate a calm and peaceful mind, as getting anxious and angry will only worsen the situation. Even in the face of life and death, we must understand that everything is governed by the law of cause and effect. We can only accord with conditions and have faith in the law of cause and effect.

當面對生死時，才會發現佛法是我們唯一的依靠，讓我們覺得坦然自在，何況生死本身也是虛妄的，並不是真實的。上人常說：這世上最貧窮的人就是沒有機緣聞到佛法。

When confronted with life and death, we come to understand that Buddhism is our ultimate reliance, allowing us to feel serene and at ease. Moreover, we realize that life and death themselves are illusory and not the ultimate reality. As the Venerable Master often said: the most impoverished people in this world are those who haven’t encountered Buddhism.

我們今天能在上人創建的萬佛聖城聽聞和修行佛法，我們在三寶裡，用外面的三寶來莊嚴我們的福報，用內在自性的三寶來啟發我們本有的智慧，我們是世間最幸運和最有福報的人，我們要好好珍惜，不要錯過！

Today, we have the opportunity to hear and practice the Buddha’s teachings in CTTB established by the Venerable Master. We are encompassed by the Three Jewels, utilizing the external Three Jewels to enrich our blessings and the internal Three Jewels to awaken our inherent wisdom. We are the most fortunate and blessed beings in this world, and we must cherish this precious opportunity and not let it slip away! Amituofo!